This week Jason and I both have important roles and responsibilities to uphold on Sunday – He’s delivering the sermon and I’m delivering a home cooked meal to guests afterwards.
Jason has been spending much time in the evenings preparing for the message. He’s been studying, reading, and watching inspiring movie clips.
I made a menu for the entire week’s meals including Sunday and have been going to town making food and getting myself ready for how much food to make, portion sizes, cleaning the house and organizing our stuff & setting up bookshelves.
Things were going quite well in this weeks dance.
Then today I got sick. I fell in dance.
I felt more like this
This was not part of the plan. I have more cleaning to do!
I admit I like to plan, set a goal, do my part to make it happen and then bask in the glory of ‘I did that’. Please, don’t judge me. I am only being brutally honest with myself. Some of you will identify.
I did push myself to doing a little painting on my stool, update my blog, scrap paint off the front door and make a nice supper for my heard working husband. Maybe I’m trying to console myself in the fact that I did ‘something’ profitable today. When my husband came home from work he did tell me to lie down, take a break and he even did the dishes after supper.
But the meat of the meal is that I wasn’t able to do my role today. In my mind I failed. Now I’m short a day this week! The only thing that makes me feel more worthwhile is that tomorrow I will feel better and ‘get-er done’! (We’ll see.)
Being married is bringing out the worst in me! I knew I like things to happen my way but to this extent! Wow! I’m a little worried about myself. I know mom would say, “It’s no big deal. Everything will fall into place. And if you’re sick Saturday see if someone else will take your place.”
But when it’s my house, my food, my responsibility, all my way… it makes a bigger deal then just mom’s house and I can go hide in my room if I’m not feeling well…
I feel like I should put a verse down so this post makes me sound at least a little spiritual because I feel like I’m sounding very hollow right now!
“Then you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free” Jn 8:32
Ha! The truth is that I’m being really hard on myself and unrealistic!
Try again, please!
“For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.” Col 1:19-20
Humm. . . God thank you for dying on the cross for my controlling ways. Thank you for not holding it against me; for grace. Thank you that my life here on earth is reconciled through your death on the cross. Including all my bad habits and tendencies to pull away from drawing closer to God to manage life on my own.
I have nothing to lose with God on my side in this painful dance.