To hide or not to hide… that is the question.

“We are not here to be safe… We must have faith and take risks.”

~Sir Wilfred Grenfell

This has been my biggest challenge – to have faith and take risks.  The other day I was cleaning my kitchen and I noticed my verse of the day spiral thing on the window sill and thought to myself, “Jolynn, you are not a super spiritual person.  Why do you act like you are or have your kitchen full of scriptural sayings and Bible verses and quotes on your chalkboards?  Who do you think you are?”  I felt like such a hypocrite and a fake – a wanna be.

But it’s not that I am trying to ‘be’ someone great.  It’s just that I simply am trying to BE.

I began to realize again that I do need those verses around me daily to remind me, to challenge me and to redirect my heart towards God.  See, I have this really good auto pilot that shifts into “take care of self’ mode.  It’s only after a situation that I begin to realize I’m going about this all the wrong way.

My ‘take care of self’ mode is a way of escape.  I nice little opt to hide away.  It’s what I can do.  I can do it by myself too.  It feels safe.  I’m in control.  If I can do it alone I’m not needing God.

As a woman it’s awfully humbling to be needy; to be needy before friends, my husband and more importantly before God.  I’m embarrassed to admit that I really do need help.  I don’t have it all together and I am weak.  Wow!  There is fear in exposing such neediness.

I never thought of myself as a hider.  I’ve heard stories of woman who hide in their bedrooms in intense and/or lonely moments.  I don’t recall doing exactly that.  I’m not a physical hider.  But the more I reflected on that, the more I began to realize that I do hide.  I just hide in different ways.

  • I hide my voice.  Not speaking up but shutting down
  • I hide my honesty – not risking vulnerably and intentionality
  • I hide my feelings – afraid of sounding needy or just plain stupid

Hiding.  It’s safe.

Hiding keeps me from risking vulnerability. Hiding keeps me from practicing trusting in God and letting him take care of me.

 Oh, I wish I could suddenly become different and change but I know what won’t happen.  Next time, in my hiding, which could be any minute  I wonder what it would be like to be caught, exposed, extended grace, forgiven and offered life in exchange for shame.  Could I handle it?

May God reach in your heart and offer you his hand today in efforts to invite you to a different way of life.

{found verse design here}

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “To hide or not to hide… that is the question.

  1. This is just the post I needed to read today as I’m on my own journey of learning to become more vulnerable, to risk, not to hide… to be… it really is a scary journey, and it’s nice to know that I’m not alone.

    Like

  2. I like your post, Jolynn, I like to help others & don’t “like” if I need help from others makes me feel to vulnerable. butI have discovered I feel sooo much better if I just tell esp Owen exactly how I’m feeling. I to often hide because I want people to think well of me. Still learning…. I enjoy reading your posts!!

    Like

    1. I agree, it feels better to be there for others and the tuff it up and get my own stuff down all by myself! Why are we like that? We’re such silly hiders 🙂
      Blessings on your day as you risk walking away from hiding today.
      Love ya!

      Like

  3. Thanks, Jolynn for posting. This came at such a great time for me. I love your honesty! Also like your drawing. You’re so creative!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s