From Coffee & A Couch

Discussion with a friend today while curled up on her couch and drinking coffee caused me to later dig out my book, Created to be His Help Meet.  

And then the thoughts started churning…

I’ll just go out on a limb and say it. . . Sometimes, I’m not happy with who {his character} my husband is.  I want him to be simply what I’m expecting mentally and he just doesn’t get it.  Or, sometimes he kinda gets it but it’s not quite how I envisioned it.  Blahh. . .

I love him.

I really do.

Oh, goodness!  I am so challenged to overhaul my way of selfish thinking.  Can people do that?  Is there chance for change in how people think?  Well, I’m challenged to try.  Challenged to try to allow my life to get willingly tangled up in his world where I’m no longer thinking ‘me’ and thinking ‘us’ instead.

What does it feel like to have my world woven into his world where it no longer feels strange to be including someone else besides me in my mental news feed.  Maybe then I wouldn’t get so testy when he doesn’t respond my way. . .

Jason talks about getting us to dream together.  Honestly, I am sometimes at a loss as to how to do that.  What does it look like to dream with a man?  Not dominate or dictate the view but to share the binoculars, each describing what we see until it becomes evidently the same, clear picture.  When life was just single ol’ me, I didn’t have to share my dreams, just tell them to you while you smiled real big and listened and hopefully got excited with me.


And now, I close this non-conclusional thought/post with a quote.

Here are words of wisdom from Debi Pearl: 

“Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don’t come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect.  When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be.  The key is to know your man.”  


6 thoughts on “From Coffee & A Couch

  1. My thoughts are new ones inspired by our friend, Larry. “overhaul your thinking”, “try to allow my life to get tangled up in his” – that sounds like a lot of hard work, a lot of pressure.
    When I “try” really hard to respect Duane, to always “hear” him, to allow him to choose instead of me, I usually mess up and become more frustrated with myself. But when I realize that what I really want is to be able to trust my husband like I did when we were dating, it changes everything. When I realize that I really don’t want to be the decision maker, that I really want to let someone else figure out the complicated stuff, and when I remember that he really is competent, I can rest in pursuing what i really do want, instead of trying to be the perfect wife.
    Don’t know if that makes sense at all because this is some fresh stuff stirring for me. I’d love to have a coffe and couch chat with you about this stuff and many other things of course. Love.


    1. Your right. It does sound like work to change my thinking. I’ve been getting advise that over time me thinking will probably morph into ‘us’. Jason and I do have a good marriage. I hope this post didn’t come across wrong. I just think about all this stuff sometimes…
      Looking forward to my couch and {iced} coffee with you in about 4 wks!


  2. I haven’t met you but one day we should have coffee! We’ve been married 6 months so i think we are just a little behind ya’ll. It felt like we were cruising along pretty well till just a few weeks ago all this stuff came up for me, it seems so much of it comes back to trust.
    i know just what you mean about learning to think “we” and learning to lay down self, it seems like you can have a great marriage and still wrestle with these feelings.

    It’s freeing in a way to read that quote and know that we don’t come into marriage with all the skills needed to make it thrive but they are learned…
    I’m glad you’re writing about it. it’s hard to do because it’s always easy to feel bad about being real cause it may reflect poorly on your marriage. don’t. We need to be real but also look for the good in our men.

    Read this –
    It was a huge encouragement to me, hope it is for you as well!


    1. Hi Amy! Thanks for commenting. Would love to have coffee 🙂
      I wish you the best on your marriage. I hope you keep talking and talking with your man. Conversation is so poignant even if I”m afraid it is not necessary because it sounds stupid & trite {our pre-marital counselors strongly encouraged that to us. “Have lots of dialog” they said!}.
      Continue being ‘real’ today!


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