A {Scary} Closer Look

I guess my last post sounded like Jason and I have a bad marriage.  We don’t… I think.  My blog has recently turned into me exposing my heartfelt thoughts/struggles.  And I wonder what you think as you read this.  I’m sure it may sound like we really struggle.  Truth be known though, we do struggle.  We have our not-so-cool moments.  Who doesn’t.  Right?

My post, Coffee and a Couch, is me putting into words my recent mental struggle responding well to Jason.  Beings we are older, it probably does make a significant difference in how we relate, but regardless, the struggle is still there.

Marriage, for me, was an entirely 180 degree turn in my journey.  It’s not how I dreamed for so many years that it would be.  As time went on, I began to realize that it wasn’t the ultimate.  Marriage still didn’t complete me.  Jason didn’t complete me.  Getting married isn’t the final destination to eternal happiness and kisses and sunshine and roses!  {I’m not sure why I thought this because my parents certainly were not perfect!}

Maybe that’s why the revealed struggle then?  I had so many expectations, unrealistic or realistic, that did not come true just how I pictured.  Was I too idealistic?  Did I have my head in the sand about who Jason was?  Were those rose colored glasses I was looking through?

I hope my blog will invite you to take a second glance at your own heart.  I hope my words encourage – that you’re not alone in your mental battles for marital bliss.  I hope my blog brings to the surface things that should be talked about and not ignored.  I hope that you reading this makes you ok with your own struggles.

We, as Christians, sometimes {most times} think to struggle is wrong – forbidden in the faith – only for wimps.  But what if Christianity is only for the weak?  If we could make it on our own, we wouldn’t be in need of a savior.  We wouldn’t need a Christ to cry out to, a Lover to lean on.

I obviously don’t have the answers.  I just needed to get all this said.  Does this make more sense?  Provide more clarity?

Jason didn’t think so either. {Actually, I edited this post again before posting it and Jason liked it better the second time around!} 🙂  Oh, well. anyway .. good night.

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13 thoughts on “A {Scary} Closer Look

  1. just want to say that I appreciate your honesty and real-ness as you blog! Life is just hard sometimes, and it’s so comforting to see other people who are actually human too. =) And I love hearing about what God is teaching you in your married adventure. So thanks for your honesty!

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  2. You are correct. We are still human even after we marry, so not all is perfect. But it special to know that you have a spouse that will work with you and vice versa. A sense of being loved and cared for despite our humanness is a gift from God. Blessings Jolynn for bearing your soul.

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  3. I love your courage, Jolynn, in sharing bits of your interior journey in your relationship with Jason! When people say, “I have a great marriage,” I tend to think there’s a bit of denial going on! 🙂

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  4. …..your blog posts. Your posts help answer some of those questions i had asked you a while back. Thanks so much for your honesty.

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    1. Oh dear, Vicki! I never did get back to you then. Well, I’m glad this post{s} are giving you much food for thought. Blessings on your journey and where you are at today. It’s those little moments that make the big picture clear.

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  5. You are way good at sharing. I hope that you are teaching an adult sunday school class somewhere. I remember the struggles that you speak of, and they don’t all go away with time. I still have days where I just know that I blew it and you’d think I was new at this marriage thing. But man, it does get so much easier somehow. It gets richer and fuller and it sounds like you are well on your way.

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    1. Good at sharing? Teaching adults!!! Jo, Your words frighten and encourage at the same time. . . .
      Glad to read of your ‘still blowing it’ days. Hearing that takes some pressure off my expectations for perfection 🙂

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  6. I didn’t think your last post came across like you have a bad marriage. But then again, I know you sorta well. I think your last post, and this one, come across like you are a woman who really cares about your marriage and want to go after something way more than a mediocre marriage. I think the fact that you’re willing to take a hard look at things and identify the struggles means you’ve had a taste or a glimpse of something really good in marriage and you want that. What comes across to me in both these posts is that they are written by a very ALIVE woman. And I think that’s awesome.

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