See Time Fly

Some days I just want to throw away the clock.  I want to race around the house and rip each and every clock off the walls and throw them as hard as I can across the back field!

Let me explain.

There are two types of work habits in people.  Task or time.

I made this self discovery a couple years back at church wknd meetings.  The speaker was addressing differences in how people communicate and function.  Further explaining how we are different from each other (and, I might add that it does NOT make the other person wrong).  Some examples of differences the speaker mentioned that particular night would be:

  • directly approaching others or indirect
  • detailed or concise
  • and, the more popular introverted or extroverted.

But, the one that has been burning in my mind lately is task or time oriented.  When working at a project or job, we are either task oriented or time.  A task oriented person works at a task, losing track of all time, getting lost in the job and attempting to work on it from start to end.  A time focused person, works on a task within a time frame.  These people live by the hour and minute hands.  Not saying that these people never lose track of time but for the most part the time of day, what time it is and how much time is left, is their slave driver.

Having a baby, living with a baby and caring for a baby; my job.  My task.  This needed to happen for me on a schedule.  The schedule.  The book one.  The one I would read about in magazines.  The one I would hear when talking with people.  With the kind of person I am (have you figured it out by now?) and having no recent prior baby experience, everything needed to happen with this baby by the books and ‘on time’.

  • By 4 months baby should be feeding every 3-4 hrs.

{Jolynn’s crazy thoughts}  Gavin’s still eating every 2 hrs!  Panic!  Look at clock.  Why is he hungry again?!  It’s too soon!  What to do?  How can I entertain baby for an entire HOUR??!!  He’s fussy already!  Arrrgggg!  Glances at clock again.  Ok, 2 min down.  Goodness.  This is crazy and gonna take FOR-EV-ER!  I hate that clock.  Gavin’s so whiny.  I’m board.  I don’t know what to do if I wait another hour.  I’m tired.  I just want to sleep.  If I just feed him hopefully he’ll sleep so I can sleep.  But, if I cave and feed him again at only 2 hrs he’s never going to advance to eating 3-4 hrs like he’s supposed to by now.  He’s such a little piggy.   I wish I could just ‘be’ and not have to go through this round in my head.  What can I piddle at for the next hour?  What’s wrong with me.  I’m such a scheduled person – Ha!  Or, I try to be!    

  • 3 month olds should sleep 15hrs/day
  • 6 month olds should sleep 14hrs/day

{Jolynn’s crazy thoughts}  11 hrs of sleep last night so why isn’t he sleeping??  In the morning he slept 1 hr.  30min after lunch.  He still needs like 1 or 2 more hours of sleep!  “Gavin, why aren’t you sleepy?”  Oh, my word!  I wish I could just lay him down and he’d just quietly drift off.  Maybe I should try forcing him to sleep.  Hold him down.  Or I could walk with him.  No, I just get more frustrated at him when I try that and he just wiggles.  Could let him cry it out?  Oh, yeah, what if he has a bellyache?  I should give him some gripe water.  Maybe then he’ll sleep.

Yes, my crazy thought life.  You see now why I loath clock looking.

The past couple of weeks, I’ve been working on paying attention to baby more.  Listen to his noises.  Feeding him when he’s hungry.  Letting him sleep when he’s tired.  Sometimes babies just don’t sleep; for whatever reason.  What??!!  It’s hard though, when I’m deathly dog tired and Gavin just lays on the floor and kicks and wiggles and jabbers on so, SO, awake like.  Once I even put him in his swing for what ended up being an half an hour while I rested on the couch.  He was happy.  That’s what matters 🙂

I have so much to learn on this mother journey.  This dance.  I miss my kick and flicks at times.  I stumble on the twirl.  I step on somebodies toes.

Practicing how to ‘be’ in the moment.  Yes, that’s where you’ll find me today.  Not counting the hours til the next feeding.  Not counting ahead until his next nap.  Not stacking up expectations just to watch them fall like dominos all around me.

As I rock Gavin to sleep my mind drifts off, counting the hours until he should be hungry again and how long – Wait!  I’m rocking my baby to sleep.  I am holding my precious one in my arms.  His hand tightly clasped around my finger.  We are bonding; together.

I am his mother.

He is my child.

We are in the moment.

A moment in time.

Never to return.

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “See Time Fly

  1. Jolynn, I believe that you have what it takes to be the best mommy to Gavin. There are so many strong parenting opinions out there, and I can’t imagine how hard it is to sift through all the information. I believe God probably views you faltering “dance” as pretty awesome. 🙂

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    1. Thanks, Lucy! I just came across a book title “The Perfect Mother Is You”. I don’t think I have to read the book; just reading the title is heart warming and reassuring in its self. 🙂

      Like

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