How easy it is to let my mind slip and delve into the negative self talk!
All is takes is one little look at somebody sitting in church in front of me or reading a post on Facebook. Pictures on Facebook get me too.
No matter what, I find something wrong with me or I’m not good enough.
- horrible mother
- not clean enough house
- bad taste in clothes
- worries too much
- talks to much
- talks to little
- too spiritual
- not spiritual enough
And the list goes on and on.
A friend mentioned (in a totally non relating conversation) that at night the worrying tends to get worse. It’s easy to over dramatize things at night then to think rationality. So, I began to monitor my thoughts in the evenings. And, she’s right. I freaked out way sooner. I over-reacted. I worryed my pretty little head. Situations tended to get way out of perspective.
Things just seem way worse.
Jason told me a story about a mother who locked her 2 little children in a car for a long period of time with the heater on and they died. Suddenly that story came to my mind one night. And I almost started panicking. I could barely focus on reading.
Then I remember what my friend said. A short time later I shoved the story from my mind, said a quick prayer and I could read again.
But, it’s amazing how when I let my mind say fixed on bad stories or negative self talk, even dialoging conversations in my head ( <- anybody else do this?!) – and NOT always at NIGHT, honestly – I can quickly spiral out of reality and away from TRUTH. My mind can think so many thinks, as Dr. Suess says, that if I”m not careful, it begins to runaway with CrAzYnEsSSSS!
And, I actually BELIEVE it most of the time!
Sitting in church one Sunday, I started comparing myself to the lady in front of me and how much of a better mother she was. Right then, I caught myself. It took a little effort to remind me that I am a good mother and eventually my thoughts we redirected. (I wish I could say I prayed that time since we were in church no less!!)
I think I started something. And I like it.
You know, we so easily sell ourselves short compared to the person beside us. There is ALWAYS something way wrong with us and somebody else is just way better. Immediately, those well rehearsed phrases:
“Why would she like me my clothes is not as cool.”
“My baby is so much more wild then hers’. I’m so embarrassed to be with her because she probably thinks I’m a bad mom. And I’m sure I am.”
“I don’t fit in with ______. They never invite me along. What’s wrong with me?”
“Something must be wrong with me because she never comments on my Facebook.”
Yes, phrases like these, run through our minds (at least mine) affirming our inadequacies and we turn ourselves away from real friendship. We turn away from friends because we believe our thoughts. We turn away from the truth about each other. The truth about ourselves. The truth of what God thinks of ourselves.
But what if we fixed our minds on things above? Things that are true? Honorable? Lovely?
Especially true? True about ourselves?
Because the truth is we are enough. In Christ. Lacking nothing.
Reading Romans 8 verse 6, Paul says, “So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life! and peace!
I want life!
I want peace!
I want life and peace in my mind!
As ladies, don’t we all?
So, today, I want to give you the gift of peace of mind. How? By letting you know that I am not thinking any bad things about you. I think you are neat. One of a kind. Talented. Good cook. Loving mother. Sensitive friend. Fashionable and smart.
In fact, I’m over here trying not to compare my lousy self to next you. I’m trying to un-convince myself that I will never have what it takes. I’m trying to believe that as child of God, I am enough. I’m trying to believe that God created me with something to offer you. I’m trying to let the Spirit control my mind.