Spontaneous or Preplanned?

Would you agree that there is something scary about going into other people’s homes? Initially, that it is fearful? I don’t know why but it keeps us behind our walls, in our normal routines.
A whisper that is so strong it produces immobility.
It convinces safety is staying instead of risking and going to somebody else’s sofa and sipping their tea.

Are there safe risks?


I am often urged by my friend to come, stop in and see her. I want to. But I tell her she lives too far away and in the opposite direction from most of my errands and that she should come see me.

I’m not scared of my friend. She’s my friend. But it’s so much easier to just stay at home then to go out. I tell her if I had a reason to be down in her neck of the woods I’d stop in more often.

If I had a reason…



If I was already on the road in her area to grab a few groceries perhaps or to buy dog from the Feed Store, then I’d have a reason. And for some compelling reason, I need a reason beyond spending time with her to see her?

Help! I need a reason other than her. Sound familiar anyone?

I like the idea of randomly stopping in to see people. I have occasionally planned mornings with different of my friends, including this particular one. It’s having a day preplanned to sit around dunking donuts in coffee and keeping watchful eyes on the kids that is so my thing. I can dance that jig. You should see me!

I do planned, not random.
Because I don’t know how to do random.




I do like the idea of random though. I like the image of people going into each other’s houses on a whim. Gathering together spontaneously. Talking. I always like seeing everybody.

Some people are gifted at blocking out fear I believe. Either that or they are brave an don’t know it. I’d like to be more like that. More brave. More listening to what I want to do then the fear that I allow dictate my reasons. Because yes, you know it, I always need a reason for what I do.

I fault not living in my home turf as my reason that keeps me locked in my brick walls here. The fear of not being received only to look like a nerd at their front door. The fear of not being invited in. The fear of catching them at a bad time. The fear of taking up their time just to chit-chat.

With my family in my home community I’m quite certain we’d be back and forth at each others houses. People randomly dropping in on me and me going there unannounced. Going to moms almost daily and popping in on friends as I’d drive home from Wal-Mart. I can see it all playing out on a big stage in my mind’s eye. It would not be scary. at. all.

But here, going somewhere is scary.



Because it’s {easier} to stay at home.

Jason’s family I feel free to stop in on unannounced. I do. They are family. They are an exception.

Other then my in-laws, I’d rather have people over then to go somewhere.


Call me crazy, but if you would suddenly stop in, spontaneously, unannounced and in the middle of my routine, I would LOVE it. I would be so honored! I would break out the sweet stuff and coffee or milk. I would settle you in my couch, give you a blanket and turn on more lights. I would ask you questions about your day and see how you are. Or we would talk on the bar stools by the bar. My second most favorite place to seat visitors.

Yes, I would love it.


How about you?

  • Do you like to go out to a friend’s house spontaneously or pre-planned?
  • Do you struggle to invite yourself over somewhere?
  • What are some ways to practice visiting a friend?

9 thoughts on “Spontaneous or Preplanned?

  1. You know, Jolynn, after reading your previous posts and going on my own journey towards accepting the gift of vulnerability, I almost think that spontaneously visiting someone may very well be an act of vulnerability in itself. It’s like saying, “I trust you to value me for who I am, somebody more important than your messy house or laundry or whatever.” I tend to think that doing this and being careful to not wear out your welcome, can really bless a person. Like you said, it’s a dance. We invite them to join us by taking the first step. 🙂


    1. I like your thought, Gabrielle! These are good questions, Jolynn. I have to say, I lean toward scheduled things, simply because I have obsessive compulsive tendencies. I am not proud of that, and I’m trying to do better with it 🙂


    2. “I trust you to value me for who I am, somebody more important than your messy house or laundry or whatever.” – yes, this is what I was trying to say and I like how you summarized it 🙂 Vulnerability is so key to stopping in on somebody!


  2. I think driving to the grocery store and post office (5 miles round trip) is a long journey that I’d rather not do–I can hack it once a week ;). I love having people over, and I totally get the ‘fearful’ feeling of dropping in on someone else–not to mention how much of an effort it is to actually drop in on someone (mental and emotional effort–nothing more 😉 ). I wonder if it’s an introvert thing. My husband is more of an extrovert, and he has no problem dropping in on people!


  3. I personally like a bit of a warning if someone is stopping in. At least a text a few minutes before, because some times (especially at this stage) just really are not appropriate. That said, I love getting a last minute phone call from my dad or brothers when they’re in the neighborhood for work. I love a random text in the afternoon from a friend asking if she could stop by in a few to drop something off.

    I tend to be more of a pre-planner, but I don’t think it really matters if you plan ahead or are last-minute spontaneous. The important things is pursuing and valueing the relationship, which I know you do. 🙂


  4. I love your comment on “needing a reason” to visit someone…why isn’t visiting them enough, sometimes?

    I think it is important to know who you’re visiting-some people are VERY uncomfortable with the spontaneity, and it would stress them out to suddenly be a hostess. But even so, I do wish our society still have strong neighbor relationships and that just dropping by was still a common thing. That seems to have changed a lot, and I think we lose a little when everything is planned.


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