What Leaning Feels Like and a Circus

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I am loving my mornings this week. My almost 2-year-old wakes up happily talking to himself for at least 10 minutes. Listening to my tall little (recently asked if my 22 month old is 3) babble on and utter a chuckle or two is purely the truest joy. And today it’s the prefect way to start my day.

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Vulnerability is never easy and if your like my toddler, it might come natural to you. Their world is completely wrapped in a full coverage protection plan with their biggest liability being getting that cookie or wearing boots instead of shoes. What a life.

Or, if you’re like me, you’re scared to death of vulnerability and your biggest liability is, well frankly, every thing.

Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly is a super good read. Packed full of research she mentions so many people that she interviewed express instances of vulnerability and what it was like for them which makes this book one that you can easily connect with and lick those fingers to keep turning pages.

From the back of the book:

In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brown challenges everything we think we know about vulnerability. Based on twelve years of research, she argues that vulnerability is not weakness, but rather our clearest path to courage, engagement, and meaningful connection.

So inspired my this Texas native, I want to be able to risk some pride and safety in situations where I know I walk fully armored. Baby steps where my insurance is security in God and knowing that he always keeps me safe. I’ve heard people say,  “This is just who I am. Deal with it.” and it scares me to think that I’ll land out beyond the playing field with them somewhere surrounded by a thick wall of prickly hedges.

We can change.

I hope I keep changing – becoming more Christlike and not some crazy hiding behind a ridiculous stiff, thick, clanking armor suit that’s not even comfortable to wear in the first place.

Imagining risking some wild, fresh vulnerability scares the tar out of me too. It’s so easy to NOT have scary hard conversations. And so this week I’ve been thinking about different responses and leaning into what could be life giving instead of death and stabbing. I’m leaning into the mystery of another way.

Years ago I was at a Bible School doing a week of missions prep just before leaving for the summer to go to Mexico. One of the activities was to stand on the stage in the gym and and fall backwards into the group’s arms below you. I think it was called the Faith Fall. I remember standing up there, my back towards the group. Good thing because I couldn’t see if they were smiling big and confidently or had huge creased brows oozing uncertainty.

I took a deep breath, crossed my arms over my chest and just fell. I had no idea what the landing would feel like. Didn’t know if I’d give a little or give a lot. Had no idea what to expect.

Leaning into vulnerability feels a lot like that. You don’t know anything for certain once you start to let yourself go.

I just came across this anonymous quote.

“Sometimes the thing that we are most afraid of doing is the thing that will set us free.”

Who doesn’t want to be free?

And, so I hope to practice the leaning…

In other news, the circus came to town.

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I took my kiddo and one of his favorite cousin, the one that we always have to pray for every night when we say our prayers, along to check it out. Because when we heard that a circus was coming to such a small, small, very small town, I was a bit skeptical but also a bit excited and I might have even imagined a three-ring tent and lots and lots of wild animals, clowns, fire and tight rope walkers.

I’ll let this picture tell you everything you need to know.

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And, so after we said ‘hello, mr elephant’ and ran around in the mud behind the tent to pet look at the miniature ponies, hubby and I decided at the supper table that that was enough circus adventure for one day. Lucky us our one-year-old didn’t know he was missing out on anything that night. And we’re $24 richer because of it! 🙂

 Have a great week!
#bringSPRING

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