From Knowing to Not Knowing

I gripped my mug as she peppered me with more questions.

Questions that I had no answers for but desperately longed to have. I wanted to come through for her and help her – be the wise older one.

But I really had no answer.

coffee squeeze

 

As she asked away, my mind went back to when I was her age, early 20’s and how different she was from me. Back then I had a ferrous determination to have answers for all most of life’s problems. If I didn’t have the answer, I stubbornly wished the whole thing away and lived in some sort of crazy denial land. Hearing my friends questions I suddenly wished I had been more open to question… the kind that doesn’t demand answers.

Are You Ok With Mystery?

Have you even seen or know somebody who has a restful spirit? When you meet them you can smell their aroma. Those people make my anxious spirit squirm.

It’s only been in the past 6-7 years that I’ve been guided to open my white knuckled, fearful fist and receive my questions and frustrations with grace. I’ve been taught to embrace mystery by wise people who made mystery attractive and I saw my immobility in having to figure it all out right now.

They modeled rest and made me restless to get it.

It has been a sacrifice of no small feat to not demand to know the future or what God is up to around me. Before I was set on finding what I wanted or needed – to get answers, results and to have comebacks right away for people. Before I was always searching, always disturbed at my grey areas and disturbed at my mediocrity.

sand dreams

 

Peace permeates when I hold looming anxious questions openly, allowing grace and space for the mysterious unknown ahead.

When my frustrations and not-knowing how things will turn out from my day and week overtake my soul, there is no space to percolate peace – rest.

I WANT TO REMEMBER THIS WEEK that I don’t have to figure every little thing out right now. Questioning and wondering is a good floor to dance on they say. It leaves room for God to speak when we admit we don’t know everything. And I want to be more open to God speaking to me.

I know from experience it’s not fun to feel like you’re hanging in limbo, waiting for answers, but maybe the fun part could be in trying to enjoy each little step.


Each small mundane moment.



water people

 

 

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6 thoughts on “From Knowing to Not Knowing

  1. Important words today, Jolynn! I wish I had been comfortable embracing mystery when I was younger. I was raised in a spiritual tradition where mystery was feared and frowned upon. Looking at the spiritual life as a journey has been helpful to me–because on a journey, you don’t know what’s up ahead until you get there. Yes, we do well to be content with not knowing, with not having to have it all figured out. Isn’t that part of what faith is all about?

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    1. Thanks, Lynn! My background sounds similar to yours – answers and reasons for everything. I love the analogy of life being a journey. For me I’m more learning to trust the driver to be able to relax and enjoy the ride! 🙂

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  2. I always enjoy reading your posts. i.e. watching and listening as you dance across the floor and are singing a melancholy song that is interspersed with a few twists.
    Good musings, deep thoughts, open honesty and a lovely ending.
    Keep trusting!

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