EVERYBODY everywhere is carrying on about New Years goals and plans and reflecting on the past year. While I love reading everyone’s thoughts it has been so good to do a little reflecting and planning myself.
As I sit here in my royal M E S S post holidays, in jammies, with coffee breath, and messy hair and kitchen sink, I am trying to think about the past year. How I wish I could process things more quickly like others and have this interesting post all pre-mediated and edited and published by January one. But, I acknowledge I am just not that type of person.
I usually have to process things for a while on my own until I know how I feel about something. I’m the chameleon in a group, agreeing with others, posing their colors for fear of dejection and lack there of, nodding along in agreement. I need a warning, a spoiler alert, a month to prep.
Why didn’t I see New Year’s coming? What rock have I been hiding under?
Maybe this big red brick one at the end of Hackberry Avenue. . . . . life with littles, haha.
So I thought about this past year for about a week.
Two sources I’m going with as I reflect on 2015 are:
1. The latest episode on the Sorta Awesome podcast by Megan Teitz
2. Tsh Oxenreider’s blog post (but, good heavens I’m only taking time for a few my favorites, not all 20)
~ 2015 ~
Best books of 2015
• Language of flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh
• Simply Tuesday by Emily P Freeman
• Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell
Best Audio – (beware, I recently discover podcasts!!)
•Sorta awesome podcast – hosted by Meagan Tietz
•The simple show podcast – hosted by Tsh Oxenreider
•Hope*ology podcast – hosted by Emily Freeman, sister Myquillyn Smith and her dad
•Anthem Lights station on Pandora (to add something other than my beloved podcasts!)
Unexpected Awesome: our mystery baby was a G I R L! ! ! !
If ever there was a time I felt most undeserving of such a gift it was November 6th. I come from a family of 6 brothers, zero sisters and Jason’s siblings have mostly boys. I think the ratio is 17/8. Almost 2/1. A little girl felt like a wild dream, highly impossible and too much to ask for. We absolutely adore our little Cali bear!
The little girl cousins
Unexpected Challenge: Burying Jason’s brother.
Having undergone stem cell transplantation once and lived, we just believed when his cancer came back maybe 8 months later, that round two would be as hopeful as it was the first go-around. Totally, totally unexpected to be attending his funeral this past October. Life isn’t just. He was a good, kindhearted, intelligent man who got along with everyone. Life just. is. not. fair.
Most Challenging Thing: being ok with the story God is writing in me, albeit different then my idea. As I get older, I’m becoming more aware of my limitations and power to do or get what I want. Following that statement, I’m also seeing more and more the wild places my story could take me that I never once considered in my 20’s, let alone dreamed in my teens!
Biggest Challenge in my work as a SAHM:
those blessed naps – when they were a fight… need I say more fellow mommies?
Most enjoyable as a SAHM:
time spent relishing in the moments with just Gavin and me at home – before we became three.
Three words to describe the year:
Engaging. in. stimulation.
In brief – I’ve done various writing webinars, found new and inspiring podcasts, been more serious about blogging and connecting, Instagram and intentionally reading way, way more.
Is all this desire for intelligence a sign of my 30’s?
Whatever the case, I like it a lot.
-> and one more (sorry, I know this post is long enough)
A Theme of 2015
~~ threaded hope, throughout
I could really go on about this in detail but my journal is a better place. I will say though that I never gave mention of our miss-carriage the end of last year (I was 8 weeks), which was a gloomy way to ring in 2015. I think it’s completely fitting that God gifted us Cali at the end of that year in true love for us, for his heart in hearing our cries. He doesn’t’ always give us the desires of our hearts in the way we ask of him and I am completely grateful for his gift to us – our baby GIRL!
- We lost a baby.
- We wondered if we’d birth ever again.
- We became expectant.
- We anticipated all year.
- We rejoiced at new life.
- Now, we remember the story of hard birthing hope, birthing life, birthing real joy.
It’s so important to remember. I didn’t see how much so until I came across Emily Freeman’s blog this past year. Through her writings, I began to realize how important it is to make use of our small moments, our seemingly small ordinary days. Because those days become our lives, our very life. The practice of writing them down, noticing them and reflecting on them we can see how God moves. And seeing how God moves is a faith booster. Seeing God move opens the door to a deeper relationship and desired intimacy with our God, our pursuer, our provider, our protective father.
I hope my intention to write down the days of our lives continues. Because I have a horrible memory but more importantly, because seeing God in my yesterday gives me hope for my tomorrow.
Let’s notice life together this new year!