What I Didn’t Realize

It always makes more sense when it’s somebody else. They seem to have frivolous worries. Ones what I’d hardly even bat an eye lash at. My worries are cause for alarm. Let me tell you about mine.

When I worked, before babies, I performed for a boss; a manager. Working at home as a stay-at-home-mom, I work for whom?

Myself. That’s it. It’s just me. There’s no one over me that I can perform for. You might not see the problem in this. Unless you are like me. I am a people pleaser. An obliger. Pleasing people reeves my engine.

 

With no one to please but myself at home, my problem of getting things done doesn’t happen in a timely manner. How I’d like things done in my head just isn’t happening. Instead things pile up and I’m completely board at the thought of doing them and no ones telling me it hats get done besides myself.

I’m not on the clock. It doesn’t matter how I show up. When I show up. What I look like. Nobody’s peaking in my windows. Nobody’s tallying up my whatever it is that makes me feel guilty and embarrassed.

I have a to-do list somewhere yet my brain chooses to ignore it instead finding a bajillion other little things to do. Like blogging. It’s easier to sit and write when there’s an oven to clean.

Or, you might be familiar with this: Interruptions. They scatter my already scattered brain into a swirl wind, floating me off to other ideas and day dreams, losing sight of what I was doing or thinking of doing.

My days all run together. My mornings run into lunch without permission. Naps wake up just in time to cook up some supper.

 

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In case you haven’t’ guessed by now – – I am SO NOT a self-motivater.

I could go on and on about why I find this terrible. I could convince you why my personality type as an ENFP is at fault. We’re the ones who usually act on how we feel and how things fit into our personal value system. I could bore you as to why this is the worst personality type for following through and getting things done.

They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves.

Meet my head. She knows these things about me and enjoys holding me under the gun.

It’s me and my head. Us two all day, every day, for the rest of my life. I realize this permanent close proximity and it’s best we get along. So I choose not to criticize or condemn myself for when I do things. I find it amicable to grant myself permission for the way I am. It’s ok things don’t get done in timely fashion.

Maybe now my assumption of other people’s use of time and efficiently won’t bother me. If I’m getting along with myself I’ll cease the chiding and grab that to-do list tossed around my brain. Acknowledging I’m not self-motivated to motivate. Acknowledging who I am to help me move forward. It all starts with self-awareness, right?

I’m teaching my son the fruits of the spirit right now as a memory verse. One of the fruits is kindness. I’d like to feast on some kindness between me and my mind. I’d like to be kinder to myself.

But for now, forget the list.
Pass the cookies, please.

– – –

Stay tuned! Next I intend to share ways to get motivated!

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3 thoughts on “What I Didn’t Realize

  1. I so connect with this!! It was a shocker to me when I quit working to work from home and be not quite so busy. I had no idea I’d struggle so with motivation. I was a teacher…my days moved…were scheduled…they had to be and I loved my job…didn’t realize how much I was performing for the many looking on (my students, their parents, my co-teachers). Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share! I needed to know in not the only one! It’s a continual process!

    1. Thank you! for commenting! No, you are not alone! 🙂 I’m so glad there is someone else like me!
      When an outer force, greater then me, like a teachers schedule or working at a deli with customers, our days move based on external demands. I’m still learning the ropes for motivating myself and figuring out whats important to me that I get done and when I do it!

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