CHILDREN are good teachers of change. Constantly growing, unfolding little people, they are. I couldn’t even preserve my view on life right now if I tried. These days, my dance floor is inconsistent, quick and fast. Like a crazy evolving Cha-Cha-Cha or some kinda hilarious Hip Hop all out of sync.
Babies, as you might know, develop so rapidly. Once you have a stage figured out they up and spontaneously create new ones on you.
And toddlers, well, one might describe them as always maturing into little adults with their big talk and bossy ways. Mini explorers painting blank canvases, discovering and displaying to the world who they are; redefining their boundaries by coloring outside the lines. To us parents, this doesn’t always feel good and our position as the parent gets judged daily.
Some days it feels like I bounce from one urgency to the next between baby and toddler. Just like a magnet to its opposite pole, I’m pulled to dire need after dire need no matter what I’m doing. There’s an electrical pool and then – smack. I’m there. Like a force. Arms extended.
Cali’s awake – – – SMACK! I’m there.
“Mom, I havta pee!” – – – SMACK!
Baby has a blow out! – – – SMACK!
“Open the door!” bang! bang! bang! – SMACK!
“Find my Elmo wash cloth!” – – – SMACK!
“Make Elmo talk! Talk with him!”– – – SMACK!
“Cali spit up!” – – – SMACK!
Periods of reflection are brief and infrequent in this electrical forced world I’m smacking around in. In moments when I can think, I’ve been digging for what matters to me to make this season count. I’ve asked myself what do I value the most with my kids right now (and my husband) and what can I do to make that happen. What do I need to stop doing to make this happen.
So I looked real hard around my dance floor and I’ve noticed two well-worn paths.
1. Need hopping. Often times feeling guilty for spending time with one child and not the other.
2. Creeping through parenting fog. Like I said, these little creatures are always changing and challenging my methods of what works.
It’s where I am and I know I won’t always be here. Maybe someday we’ll find a sweet spot with the kidos but until then I know my life will be a little off-balance in so many areas. One time I asked God if He was ok with my meager amount of time I spend with him and He asked me in return if I was ok with it…. well, that got me thinking that maybe I’m not ok with where I’m at in life BUT GOD IS! He knows how hard this mothering thing is.
I’m thankful in all this changing going on over here on our dance floor, God our father in heaven never changes. He is constant and we can always go back to Him as He always takes us just as we are. He’s ok with our parenting blunders and is always there to guide us in the fog. He never turns His back on us even when we turn our backs on our selves.
Kinda like a magnet. SMACK!
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
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