THE FIRST THING I NOTICED was our house smelled funny. Second, it was stiffly warm. And lastly, it had been over taken by an entire village of spiders and bugs. Critters still being squished today.
Our house was just there as we pulled into the drive, home from the airport. It represented our old life. People we used to be. All our routines and ruts. All of which suddenly seemed so stuffy and placid. Routines are good and necessary with children but being gone for 10 days they chanted monotonously, boring… boring, over and over until it was making me aware of the ache in my stomach.
One thing that was over looked by large on this trip was sickness – the kind you get when traveling internationally. That whole stomach bug issue. We all had it, to some degree. The groan in my belly was a sensation fiercely wishing my whole body was back in Belize. Though I was not in the mood to be in Belize and sickish like when we left and I was SO not in the mood to be at blah-home either.
Discontentment frosted with aloofness captured my body, mind and soul. It’s been over a week of mental fuzz. If you ever go to Belize, you must be aware of what it will do to you…
I still miss the fresh pineapple and Papaya. I bought some at our local grocery store which tasted alright but certainly not the same.
I miss the eggs for breakfast. The eggs here are just different. Cold, stiff and so processed and sterile looking.
I miss the fast pace and people everywhere – all the time. I miss jumping in trucks and holding my babies while we drove down bumpy roads, whipped around turns and were passed by motor bikes and other crazy drivers.
I miss the coke that tasted just how coke is supposed to taste.
I miss the randomness of our days and time was of no essence, really and the babies naps just happened when our day squeezed them in not when it was time.
I miss conversations with Angela in her house late at night as we nursed and rocked our tired little baby girls. Our lives had a familiar thread of moving away to a different community, me a different state, her a different country, and facing adjustments. Her personality reminded me so much of my friend Lauren that I found her easy to roll with and understand. I loved her efficient and just do it ways and pace. We all felt so comfortable bunking in her and Niko’s home. We easily laughed and could commiserate together over the ‘things’ with kids….
Today I miss not having other children for Gavin to play with and occupy him. There was always somebody for him to play with in their house. There was other adults and big people that give him attention too. Back home now it’s just me, Cali and Gavin. So often he want’s me to play with him. So often I’m in the tug of war with getting work done or playing a random, some point missing thing with him. Don’t get me wrong, I love him dearly but having other children for him to run with continuously was a refreshing break and above all, an opportunity for some uninterrupted adult conversation.
Life just seems ordinary now. We had our adventure in paradise and now it’s back to the races. Back to the usual ebb and flow. The usual demands and pressures. The usual insecurities and self-doubt with the people I usually rub shoulders with. The usual tiring marathon of life with a baby. And now a slobbery teething, clingy to mama one. The usual life with a three-year-old and his discovering independence and big ideas. The usual messes to clean up and food to make.
We are back in Texas and still talk about Belize almost every day.