How did September sneak in, y’all?? Though no school aged children yet, the teacher in me has strong desires to be getting ready for school with all the others. For us though, the big decision has yet to be decided. Homeschool or send Gavin to school (and then which school at that). I have been talking about school with e v e r y b o d y, pinning pins, reading up on homeschool ideals and picking homeschool mom’s brains about their experiences.
Back in May we went to Belize for Jason’s dads wedding. It has been our vacation for the summer. With little kids they really have no concept of summer or vacations for that matter. Life is always one big party and game to them. Vacation, really, is just for us big people. But then the thought of packing up a 10 month old and three year old for an outside-over-nighter, sigh, I am happy to have a stay-cation.
Needless to say, part of me aches not camping or lounging on the beach. I love that so much and that SPELLS summer to me. Yet, I know in my heart of hearts, that doing that with kids in tow now, does not equal the same restful endeavor it used to. So, what we don’t do today doesn’t phase the small people in our house one bit. They, or at least one, gets pretty excited about simply going to the library or to his cousin’s house. That is a bonafide holiday right there.
May our dream vacations come true in the future….
Our summer has consisted mostly of trips to the library, grocery store, preschool fun at home, playing toys, relearning daily how to say sorry or to ask mom for help when the baby grabs toys and I reading a bazillion and one books. We enjoyed AC due to Texas heat which actually never got too heaty compared to most summers. We also especially loved the unusual amounts of rain. Or I did (except when it was for a solid week). It reminded me of Pennsylvania’s summers. Everything stayed green and alive (woo-hoo!) and it was hot but not too hot and I got my fill of mowing the yard. Which I love.
Every week passes by and then another. Time marches on much like ants that keep reviving even after we’ve sprinkled poison on them countless times. Look, it’s post Labor Day already. It didn’t dawn on me until a couple of weeks ago that it’s been an entire summer.
Since we can home from Belize in early June.
Some weeks were worse than others.
Last week was pretty darn frazzling for me in particular.
What am I talking about??
Teething. Interrupted sleep. Fussiness. Shorter naps. It’s been brutal and I have been so done with this mom thing a couple of times already. Can I retire early? Can I get my pension of unlimited sleep?
The only reason I haven’t realized it’s been the entire passage of summer of issues is because it’s off and on. She’s pleasant and the best baby ever for a while, a couple days, even weeks, and the we wake up one morning and bamm! she full of unsatisfied noises, climbing my legs and short naps.
All I’ve been thinking is poor me. I’ve lost so much sleep, many of my grand plans and even my warm affection for her at moments. Then last week it occurred to me, “poor baby!” Seriously, one of the biggest thing that’s surprised me in motherhood is how you don’t have children to make you feel good. You have children as an opportunity to raise up little people, to love them, do things for their best interest (not mine) and take time saying all the words to train them, mold them and shape them for the Lord.
Like, I guess I knew this. But, I really didn’t know know it.
And, I didn’t know how it would feel.
Sunday in our adult class at church I was whining at my table about how it’s hard doing this mom thing and I’m losing my joy. After some good discussion on life expectations and how we think our life is going to turn out versus how it actually turns out, I felt validated and like I wasn’t alone which gave me the inspiration I needed. My job purpose at home was getting covered in so much dust and I was losing sight of the big picture – raising and nurturing my children for the Lord.
It’s like I’ve been walking about without my contacts in and suddenly Sunday I picked up my glasses and could see clearly again. Life never was about me but about others. Though I’m weary in my well doing, the reward will come later. My job is to remain faithful to my calling. Like Joseph in Egypt’s prison, when things didn’t make sense, I can remain faithful in the fog and close to the vine.
Life isn’t always what you expect it to be, so be careful not to make your expectations an idol.
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All pictures taken with an iPhone.